Three
instalments ago I told you how important it is to feel good about yourself.
Then over the past two instalments I proceeded to make mention of the
many unfortunate reactions you receive. I stated that you must show
understanding and forgiveness in the face of these reactions. Finally
I suggested that rather than hold the perpetrators responsible for their
lack of knowledge about TS you must take the opportunity to educate;
moreover you must be prepared to accept some blame for negative reactions
aimed at you if you have not done so.
That's
a tall order. I'll show you what I mean -- let's try a scenario: I've
often experienced difficulties with the friends of girlfriends I've
had. A person that has the capacity to understand me, patience to live
with me, personality to enjoy me, strength to handle me and willingness
to assume some public and familial awkwardness in being with me is a
rare and special individual indeed. The odds that all of her friends
will show the same combination of unique and coveted qualities are scant.
Perhaps that is why I've often been plagued by the 'normie cheerleader
squad': people that can so easily and quickly dismiss, judge or condemn
me based on a very surface knowledge of who and what I am and rally
to convince my partner to return to the fold of normalcy.
What is
even more difficult, however, is that I cannot react to this behaviour.
These people would be (and have been in the past) so quick to pull their
friend away from what they perceive as an oddity, a danger………..yet when
I manage to climb past my own defences I can appreciate their perspective
as good friends watching out for someone they love (and what is more
I'd better see this if I don't want to cause major rifts with my partner).
After
reaching deep into myself, I snuff anger at rude and even malicious
acts with the knowledge that I AM the disruption to the rule; I AM a
discrepancy in expectations that I cannot blame people for not intuitively
adjusting to. The final kicker of course is that I walk, spent and robbed,
down a hallway to find yet another person jumping, staring or snickering
at my tics. My recent mental wranglings have not 'bought' me any right
to retort to this salt in the wound. I must continue on. The obligations
of living in disorder are relentless.
It may
be true that for us to hold the knee-jerk reactions of others against
them we ourselves are then small and in the wrong. People WON'T always
understand, some people CAN'T understand, and we must leave it at that
-- to do otherwise is being intolerant and unfair ourselves. However
whether the reaction was necessarily purposely malevolent or not, the
end result is that we have been hurt and are left with little recourse
to alleviate the pain.
That leaves
us doing all the work. That means that others can react with impunity
and we cannot. It's unfair. It's a difficult burden. And it's the way
it is. While I'm not going to tell you that there is a fair solution
to this quandary I, at the very least, thought you deserved some recognition,
validation and commendation for living it day to day.
Until
next time, my friends!
Duncan
