If
you wish to return to the 'Ask Dr. Dunc.' mainpage, please click
here
If
you wish to visit the 'Ask Dr. Dunc.' question archives, please
click here
Question 84: I have searched your archives
but couldn't fine an answer to my specific question. My grandson has
very negative reactions to positive reinforcement. Tell him he's done
a good job and he gets all bent out of shape. My daughter, who attended
your presentation in Kentville, Nova Scotia mentioned this was because
it increased his internal pressure by making him believe he now has
to live up to that standard he's just set. I can appreciate that and
don't want to cause him any more pain. Would it be reasonable to encourage
him by making it incident specific? IE..you handled that one really
well, for example and let it go at that? Are there other strategies
for providing encouragement and positive feedback that would not be
as threatening to him? He is 8. By the way, my family came home saying
your presentation was great and they will be going to every one within
reach. They will be bringing family members and friends to the one
you are having in Halifax in October. I believe you are doing a lot
of good for a lot of people and I thank you for it. P.D., NS, Canada.
Hello
P.D.;
Thanks
for this opportunity to clarify P.D. -- certainly positive reinforcement
is something these kids don't get nearly as much as they deserve (when
considering their intentions and their hearts) and I recommend giving
it as much as possible when deserved: acknowledging and validating the
EFFORTS they are putting in, even if the results are not always what
they or you would hope for, is most important.
You are
correct that rewarding for a job well done is vastly preferable to 'pre-emptive
rewards' -- offering the promise of a reward IF they accomplish this-and-that
by such-and-such a time. Some other suggestions follow:
-be vigilant
not to reinforce negative behaviours: for example, even punishing a
child for a negative attention-seeking behaviour can still cause that
negative behaviour to increase if the punishment entails more attention
on him/her.
-rewards
work best when they are "real" (i.e. logical consequences
following from the child's positive behaviour rather than 'bribes'),
when they are immediate and consistent, when they are salient and well-explained
(i.e. the child is told precisely what it is they did that was good),
and (and this is an important one) when they are unexpected.
